Bathroom Blowout
by KeitaPekoe
Summary: Deidara is bent on revenge and has the perfect plan to get it; poor Mariko just wants a nice, relaxing shower after a hard day of training. So what happens when there's a misunderstanding and a severe conflict of interests?


**Hello everyone! I know it's been quite some time since I've posted anything, but I just want to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you all and that I'm working on my fanfics, including the sequel to "The Sum of Black & White" :)**

**Here is the third installment of my Mariko/Akatsuki oneshots! For those of you who are new to my writing, Uchiha Mariko is Itachi's daughter and she lives with him and the Akatsuki. If you want to learn the whole story, go read my fic "The Sum of Black & White". **

**I hope that you enjoy this oneshot! Please review it for me, because I love hearing from you all! Check back with me soon, the first chapter of my sequel is almost ready to go up!!**

**Thanks and much love to all of you!!**

**-Keita**

* * *

_**Bathroom Blowout**_

Uchiha Mariko groaned as she shuffled in through the front door of the Akatsuki lair, kicking the door closed behind her stiffly. The twelve-year-old had known that sword training with Kisame would be tough, but she hadn't expected him to be that rough with her.

She was a little glad though; it meant that he took her seriously and that he didn't consider her a little child that needed to be coddled all through her training. If there was one thing that she had proven to him that day, it was that she could take a hit.

But it didn't change the fact that all her muscles were screaming at her every time she moved, no matter how minor or exaggerated that movement was.

So it was like that – bruised, sore and exhausted – that the silver-eyed girl rigidly made her way down the hallway to her room to get her bath towel and a fresh change of clothes. She then began laboriously walking back down the hallway to the large, communal bathroom.

Each room had its own bathroom, and normally, she would have saved herself the extra pains and just showered in her own room, except that her shower was currently out of order and no one had been able to fix it for her yet. She had tried repairing it herself the other day, but had promptly called it quits after causing a geyser-like eruption from the faucet; water was _still_ dripping like rain from the ceiling.

A quick rap of her knuckles on the closed door confirmed that no one was currently using the bathroom and she hastily shut and locked the door behind her before turning on the shower faucet and stripping out of her torn and dirty clothing.

What Mariko didn't notice before losing herself in the heavenly comfort of warm water coursing over her sore body was the little clay contraption that was strategically placed just out of sight behind the toilet.

* * *

_Earlier that day…_

_"Stupid Kisame! I'll show that ugly, over-biting fish-man who he's dealing with, un! He won't know what hit him!" Deidara was muttering fiercely to himself as the mouths in his hands furiously chewed the clay he fed them. _

_When they were done chewing, he skillfully formed the clay into a beetle and sent it scurrying over the tiled bathroom floor to sit in wait on the backside of the toilet bowl. _

_Deidara knew that as soon as Kisame came back from training with Mariko, he would want to take a shower. He also knew that the large shark-man preferred the more spacious communal bathroom over his own smaller private bathroom. _

_The blond explosions artist wrought his hands in glee and a sadistic grin spread over his face as he imagined the reaction that his "surprise" would draw out of Kisame. _

"_And that'll teach him not to take __my__ gummy worms ever again!" Deidara chuckled maliciously as he quickly scooted off before anyone else saw him._

* * *

Present

Mariko was in heaven; she could feel the heat of the water melting away the tension in her muscles and soothing her bruises. She sighed contentedly and reached for her green tea-and-mint-scented shampoo that she had brought with her from her room. She lathered the light green gel into her hair, breathing in the clean aromatic scent that it gave off.

She stood under the stream of water, letting it rinse the white foam from her once-again sleek, jet hair. No sooner had the last bubble of shampoo been washed off than she heard an odd noise coming from somewhere in the bathroom.

It was a sort of high-pitched buzzing noise that made Mariko clench her teeth and wince. She peeped her head out of the shower, looking around the steamy bathroom for the source of the ear-piercing sound, but saw nothing obvious.

The girl reached out and grabbed her towel, wrapping it around her body before stepping out of the shower to do a more intense search of the bathroom.

On the other side of the bathroom door sat an evilly chuckling Deidara and just behind him sat Tobi, who was also amused, but didn't really know why; he was just snickering deviously because Deidara was.

"It won't be long now, Tobi! In about thirty seconds, Kisame will regret ever putting his slimy fishy hands on my gummy worms, yeah!"

"Heehee," Tobi giggled.

"What about gummy worms?" a voice behind the pair asked.

"We're making you pay for stealing Deidara's gummy worms, Kisame" Tobi replied informatively.

Kisame raised an eyebrow at them. "Oh, well, thanks for letting me know."

Realization suddenly struck the blond artist and he turned his blue eyes up slowly; the shark-man grinned at him, showing his pointy teeth.

"Kisame?! Wha-what tha hell are you doing out here, un?!"

"I was just asking you the same thing," Kisame replied.

Another thought struck Deidara. "But-but if _you're_ out here, then _who's_ in there?" he pointed to the closed bathroom door.

All of a sudden, there was a loud _KABOOM!_ followed by the sound of glass and porcelain fragments tinkling on to the ground. Then a sound more frightening than all those noises put together was heard.

"DEIDARAAAAA!!"

The blond's face went white and he jumped to his feet hurriedly, backing away from the door that he had had his ear to a moment before. Kisame's amused expression fell away also at the cry of fury that came from the bathroom.

There were a few loud stomps heard before the bathroom door came flying open, sending Tobi sprawling on the ground, and a cloud of steam and smoke rushed out into the hallway.

When it was finally clear, Kisame and Deidara were visibly shaking as Mariko stood in the open doorway, wrapped in her towel, trembling with rage. Her eyes were vivid crimson and almost literally burned holes through the explosions artist as she turned them towards him.

The shark-nin's jaw went completely slack and he couldn't remember how to close it, he was so awe-stricken; he had never seen Mariko, sweet little Mariko, look so _scary_. He'd never even imagined it possible that she could be that scary. Yet he found himself actually fearing for his well-being as he stared dumbfounded at the fuming girl.

"YOU!" Mariko seethed, pointing a finger at Deidara; he cowered under her deathly stare. "Why the HELL would you DO that?!"

"I-I'm s-s-sorry, un," the blond squeaked. Kisame would have laughed at the high pitch of the other man's voice, but he was too afraid to speak, or even breathe, at that moment.

"You're _sorry_?? Well, sorry doesn't even begin to cover it! I've been out training and having my ass beat all day and I come home and all I want is a nice hot shower and what do I get?! I get a freaking EXPLOSION! I get my bathroom shattered all around me! The shower is broken; BROKEN! The toilet is non-existent and the mirror…don't even get me started!"

"Bu-but, I d-didn't th-think that it w-w-would be you in th-there; I w-was expecting K-K-Kisame to be in there, y-yeah," Deidara stuttered.

"I don't care! Why did you feel the need to destroy a _bathroom_?! If you want to blow up toilets, then do it in your own freaking bathroom, okay?"

Tightening the towel around her, Mariko stomped off down the hall towards her room; there was no point in trying to find another shower, her good, relaxed mood had been ruined.

The three Akatsuki men stood – or, in Tobi's case, sat – frozen to their spots. They could only stare with wide, fearful eyes after the enraged, black-haired girl, and even after she disappeared into her room, they couldn't move.

"Oh. My. Kami…that was without a doubt the scariest thing I've ever seen in my entire existence," Kisame said.

Deidara could only nod in agreement; his face was still ghostly white and his heart was racing.

Tobi got up from his sitting position on the floor and moved carefully over to Deidara's side. "I think Mariko's mad at you," he whispered helpfully into the blond's ear.


End file.
